If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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