wakey wakey hands off snakey
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My ass is underappreciated
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
