You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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