Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
