im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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