Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
