someone get that fucking seahorse.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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