It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
