Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
