I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to cum in my sink.
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