I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm sobbing to NWA
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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