i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
