I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
