why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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