Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
