yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
