There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
