She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
