Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
