she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
