That's intense
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
