I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
