I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
