I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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