I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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