from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The air was thick with penises
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
