okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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