I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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