i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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