I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
