i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
