We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
