Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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