i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
