There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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