I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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