Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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