You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
