she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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