WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
