i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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