I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
