Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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