4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
