the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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