I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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