I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
