she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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