Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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