I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
