Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
