Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
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I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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