So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
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last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
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He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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