That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
His nipple licking is glorious
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