I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
