Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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