She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think people are normalizing furries
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
there is glitter all over my balls
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
