dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
