thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
