Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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