Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
