Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
