Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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