I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
