I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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