apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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