he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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