Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
